White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
