it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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