is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We have started to decorate penises.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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