They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
