My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize