She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
