So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
