Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
