I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
