i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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