with your own penis?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
