She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I smell like Dick and happiness
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
