I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
