Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
