Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
