Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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