i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
