WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize