I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
