Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
