i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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