Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
