He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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