Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
