why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
