PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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