Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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