he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
