can u get pink eye on your cock?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
