I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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