Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I have one thing to say: spongebath.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

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(760): View more from California

double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.

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(716): View more from New York

Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?

(1-716): View more from New York

"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"

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