my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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