Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
why do cheetos always look like penises
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
