It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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