My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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