Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They took my balls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize