closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
