Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
