youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
