Umm I'm too high to move.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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