we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
