He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
