I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
