there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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