but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
