You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
