felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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