Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
