we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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