he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Found your dick twin last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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