Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
