fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
