so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
