yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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