just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
