ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
