new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize