i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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