i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
