I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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