we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize