Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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