if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
