I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
