Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
