Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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