Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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