I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
