He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
