So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
