Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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