Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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