When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
