did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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